He counted my fingers
Intertwining in his
And counted the breaths between
The sacred whispers of, “I Love You.”
He counted slowly each
Twitch of the corner of my lips
When his eyes left me speechless
And counted each strand of hair
That tumbled over my face
As my curtain,
Hiding what I felt from observation
He murmured as he counted
The tears that fell down my red, red cheeks
And Counted the seconds until they passed
He counted each bone protruding
From the pale, near translucent
Skin around my body
He counted bruises along my arms and legs
And every scar worn on my skin
He counted as he traced the pain
That loneliness left on my body
He kissed each rib, counting
The ways he loved me
And all the ways he needed me
With his warmth on my neck
He counted each breath I took
And loved me wholly.

Speck

To look up into the night sky
Is to feel insignificance weigh
heavily upon my existence.
I am but a speck of dust
In an ever expanding
Cosmic Design
An insignificant speck
Of nothing
And everything

I don’t want a shallow existence
I abhor the polluted waters
I long to venture out to the deep
To bathe in a clearer understansding
Of all
I once swam until my toes
Could not scrap against the bottom
And my body was suspended in the waves
But something arctic gripped the skin,
The pale, thin skin of my ankle
And swiftly pulled me under
Down I sank, like a stone in the ocean
Like a heart after the fall
My body was suspended
As my spirit escaped
I was just a floating causality
Of understanding too late

Black and Blue Love

We said forever would we love each other 

with my hand inside of yours 

You said I would be your angel 

and you would give me wings 

We said never could we sever what we had 

Dependent on the beat of each other 

We said never could we ever cause pain 

because our hearts would feel the same 

We said through tears that ‘I need you’ 

and that we’d have a love they’d write about 

I would be your angel and you would give me heaven

but instead you left me in hell

You locked me in a cage, afraid 

that someone would take me away 

You ripped my wings and locked the gates 

and left me in a freezing rain 

You took your hands and wrapped them 

around my throat 

just like the ring on my left hand 

when you promised me 

when you promised me forever was a heaven 

Black and blue was the skin, broken porcelain 

with your hand-print tattooed on my arms 

I couldn’t remember how to lift my feet off the ground, 

trapped inside your cage 

You said forever and were clever 

at every escape attempt i made 

You stroked my cheek, gave a kiss 

and promised it wouldn’t always be like this 

You held me down in the dark and I couldn’t even hear a sound 

All the words and the fear were breaking me apart 

I cried a river and tried to drown 

but at the last minute you pulled me out 

You held my hand and made a show 

that we were two halves made from a whole 

And I would smile and tug down my sleeve 

so maybe they wouldn’t know 

And I was angry and I was tired 

and I missed the taste of flight 

You grabbed my wrist and threw me down 

and said this was heaven now 

Black and blue you decorated me 

Whenever our ‘forever’ got too tough 

I remember the knife and the look in your eyes 

and thinking I’ll never make it through the night 

Black and blue, the angel cracked 

and you dragged her down to hell 

You tied her up, held her down 

and said “You’re mine forever now” 

Black and blue and red and bleeding 

ripped wings and hope receding 

She opened the cage and look a leap to taste flight 

and never again tasted the hell of a black and blue night

The Kiss

She had sunshine in her hair
And starlight on her lips
But when I stole a kiss
I tasted only darkness

*ATTENTION LOVES*

I need Help…..I’ve started to go back to my novel and I’m in the process of editing and making it not suck. I need a trustworthy, Awesome, and writing savvy person to help me. I really need someone i can bounce ideas off to besides myself. Like would i delete this whole chapter, that line, this character? I don’t know. Sometimes i need an outside opinion who can be brutally honestwith me 119.34% of the time. 

The general description of my book is in my videos/writing section. 

if anyone is interested please let me know…It was my dream to write a book and now I want to work on making my baby publishable. I need all the help i can get. 

Much love. 

~Kate

Blood Ties

They say blood is thicker than water
But you drowned me in sorrow
And kept my head under with your spoon-fed self-hatred
That you shoved down my throat, even as it left me choking
All while my heart beat your blood through my veins

If I could erase your touch from my life
I’d do it in a blink
I’d drain your blood that connects us
From my filial bond
I’d sever it with a knife
If I could sever you from me
I’d take the genes you gave me
And tear them apart
Until I was only stardust and shards of a soul
Something you have never touched

They tell me blood is thicker than water
But I feel so paper thin
Our blood my bond but our souls do not
For I am made of light and stardust and you are the fragments of a black hole
Our blood my be and our genes connect, but you are not inside the pieces of my soul.

The things my father taught me

I was born the only girl,
Sharing the middle of us four
With an innocent smile
And the spirit of a mustang
My father set to work
When I was still a star-eyed wanderer
To reset my settings
To a more appropriate vigor.
That was the time I was daddy’s little girl
That was before I grew up
And finally looked back
And swallowed the anger.
I learned not to cry
Emotions were not meant to be seen
Stop crying. Stop crying.
I remember the words quite clear
And eventually I stopped.
I learned I was different
When I tried to be tough
I wanted to fit in with the boys
But they had privilege I did not.
I fought that battle day after day
Why couldn’t I be treated the same?
Eventually the little girl swallowed that fire.
And later on it would ignite.
My father always taught me
That I would have more rules
And the most important being
That no man would love me
If I were ruined by another.
But my father failed to teach me
That I deserved love in the first place.
There were only black and white in the world
No colors lay in between
And if I cried out purple
I’d bleed it out until it mixed with tears and blood
And no longer was the beautiful shade.
So when I knew the way I fell in love was different
It was a secret of shame.
My father told me that the man
Holds the opinions
And women cannot be strong
But my spirit was still the wild beauty
And I knew his words were wrong.
When he could not break my resistance
Words turned into bullets
And object grazed my cheeks.
His hand became the law
And my spirit cried itself to sleep.
So my father told me how to love
With bruises on my arms
And told me not to call out
When my heart was soon harmed
As the words and arms
Became a weapon
I did not utter a sound
Or let a tear roll down my cheeks
Because my father told me
Stop.
When he saw a news story
On abusive love and violence
He scoffed and let me know
It was because they let the men touch them, their morals were loose
And really, they asked for it.
I looked down at my arms, snowy white with blue veins running deep
I imagined the bruises still decorating the surface, deep down their scars remained.
Those were the things my father taught me
And that was the day I knew he was wrong
All those years of lessons and preaching and screaming
I wondered where he went wrong.

Who am I? (Two year old poem)

Who am I?

You think you know me

Just by that infamous name

Rumors have fed

That treacherous flame

Who am I?

You never cared to ask

Don’t even know my face

It’s been buried away

You were forced to ask someone in class

Who am I?

I’m complicated

Lonely

Funny, Trust me I’ll make you laugh

Annoying, Hell yeah

But that doesn’t scratch the surface

You don’t see my past

Who am I?

I’m sixteen and a half

I’m quiet, unless you make me laugh

With my friends

You all roll your eyes

Because obnoxious and loud

Is how we pass the time

Who am I?

I’m insecure

I lost a bit of weight a few years back

And kept the heavy girl inside

She lies, and lies, and lies

When I tell myself I’m beautiful

Because when beautiful girls look in a mirror

Beautiful girls don’t cry

Who am I?

I’m smart

Not cocky, I love knowledge

And books,

Sweet knowledge at my fingertips

History, English, and German

I could tutor with ease

But my father yells at me

Calls me a stupid girl,

And that I dress

Like some sleaze

Who am I?

I’m a writer

Author

A weaver of words

My novel is in the works

My heart is too

I’d give my life for my work

Because it saved mine

Did you know?

No, probably not

They never said behind cupped hands

That I grabbed a noose, and tied the knot

Who am I?

Depressed

I hide behind a smile

Pretend the fight at home

Was nothing

But

It was bad

He was yelling

And I was mad

I am brilliant,

Not the best

I’ll finish my book

Pass every test

And leave

Who am I?

So lonely

I’m dating a girl

Am I gay?

No…

Bi

No.

“What are you?”

I am me

I am Kate

I can’t describe how I feel

But just being me feels so

Great

It’s wonderful I tell you

Not to care what you say

Who cares if petty girls whisper?

Who cares what they say

Who Am I?

I am Kate

You’ll learn my name

From the rumors you hear

But not what I’ve done

Or what I’ve dealt with

And the rumors are nasty

Trash

They speak nothing of my past

And most important of all

They don’t utter a word

Of a distance place you can’t see

Of how great my future will be

When days are filled with thoughts 

that will not be surpressed 

and cannot be forgotten